Math Aunty

Hello math blog.

It’s been a while. In keeping with my yearly posts (where I promise to post more frequently but never do), I am now posting a blog. Hello blog. ****READ PAST THE LINE FOR ACTUAL ADVICE!******

What’s happened in my little mathematical life since June 2014-

I completed the PURE math program, which is more like a 2-month family reunion and I loved every minute of it. Even the minutes where I was stuck on proofs. I think over the course of that program is where I made the transition to thinking of myself as a “young mathematician” as opposed to “someone who does math because they’re kinda sometimes good at it and it’s challenging.” This is a powerful transition. When working on an incredibly difficult problem- its the difference between giving up because you think you can’t solve it and actually working a little bit longer because you think you’ll eventually get to a solution… and actually getting to a solution because you’re smart as fuck and you believe in yourself. You would’ve gotten to that solution if you gave yourself more time but when you’re someone that just “does math” you give up on yourself too soon.

I think that summer is when I truly felt like a mathematician because I felt more like I was being given opportunities because people believed in ME vs. wanting to look good for having a minority there. Feeling like you’ve actually been chosen for something wonderful because of your talent and skill is an incredibly freeing experience. Freeing in the sense that you aren’t doing things to represent all people like you everywhere… you’re doing them for yourself… and if you don’t succeed… well it looks bad on just you instead of looking bad on all people that look like you. I did feel like I was representing St. Mary’s College of Maryland Math Department but that’s a different kind of pressure because it relates to your mathematical ability and what’s offered in your department instead of what you “look like.” And I think I represented well enough. 🙂

I went through senior year of undergrad. It was a great year. I found a strong group of people to work with that was great socially as well as mathematically, which makes homework more fun. I did my senior thesis project (or SMP as we call them at SMCM) and experienced what it was like to do research by myself instead of in a group. I developed wonderful relationships with the people in my department. I went to the Math Alliance conference called Field of Dreams where I was completely inspired by people who “looked like me” who made it through the path that my life seems to be taking. Some of them also have similar backgrounds to me. So I graduated by the skin of my topological teeth and now…

I did the EDGE program this summer which is a prep program for women going to get their PhDs in mathematics as well as an INCREDIBLE network of women who’ve already been through the program and gone on to get their PhDs or are currently in programs. EDGE is great, but I think I’ll save the greatness of the program for another post.

I’m in grad school at Kansas State University. I’m taking Analysis, Algebra, and Topology. I’m a graduate teaching assistant for College Algebra. I feel a lot of things about the way that they’ve trained me to teach as well as their expectations of the students but that’s another blog for another day. I’m writing this blog as an update and as inspiration~

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I’ve learned a lot about myself with this transition to graduate school. College is different, you don’t really know who you are so you’re trying on different personas to see which one fits the best. However, in graduate school you have this idea of who you are that you developed in undergrad (and because you think you’re great, you think it’s accurate) and so that’s where I’m at right now. I think I know who I am, and maybe that’s who I am in this moment, personality is fluid… but I don’t know where I fit into this new environment. However, since this is my math blog and not my personal blog, I want to highlight some mathematical challenges and successes~

1. Retaking classes that you took in undergrad can really help with your understanding of the material. Learning the material in a different way may be the way that you connect best with. I used to think my analysis book in undergrad was shit. It wasn’t, I just never took the time to read the entire thing. This is to say- READ THE PRELIMINARY SECTIONS TO YOUR BOOKS! All the details you thought were being skipped are probably explained there. In my analysis class, I’m following the book we use now (Strichartz “The Way of Analysis”) as well as the book from my undergraduate analysis course (Stephen Abbot “Understanding Analysis”) and I’m getting a much better understanding of what’s happening because what Understanding Analysis took as preliminaries, The Way of Analysis didn’t. It’s great
2. BE CONFIDENT THAT THE PROFESSORS WHO PASSED YOU IN PREVIOUS COURSES KNEW THAT THEY WERE DOING! One of the things that holds me back is thinking that I passed classes based on sympathy and not really knowing the material. I’m discovering now that I know the material a lot better than I thought. I may not have been able to explain it concisely, which used to be my definition of ‘knowing’ something… but I knew the material well enough to understand other things that rely on that material and my professors knew that even if I didn’t. I’m actually doing pretty well in my courses which still shocks the hell out of me.
3. CALL YOURSELF A MATHEMATICIAN! Even if you don’t feel like one. After you start calling yourself a mathematician, you’ll better notice the ways you do things that are specific to mathematicians (not exclusive, but specific lol) and then you’ll feel more connected to math. And then you’ll believe in yourself because you believe in all these other mathematicians.
4. Take time to learn about the mistakes of famous mathematicians. My favorite is Fermat’s Last Theorem because Fermat is dope as fuck but even he was wrong at times. Everybody makes mistakes… so you getting a couple points off on your homework for assuming something incorrect isn’t too terrible. It doesn’t mean you can’t be a mathematician lol. *********************This is also a plea to educators to educate students about these instances where famous mathematicians got things wrong because it helps them not feel so shitty about wrong things on hw.**************************
5. Don’t define mathematician on what existing mathematicians seem to be like. If you’re good at math and you don’t fit the STEREOTYPE* don’t assume that you’re not good at math. Realize the societal impacts that created that stereotype *i.e. white men seen as worthy of education… then men in general seen as worth of higher education… then international men seen as worthy contributors to education… then women being seen as worthy of higher education… THEN minority women being seen as worthy contributors. Literally, when I enter math spaces and I don’t feel comfortable as a black woman but I feel comfortable as a mathematician… I remind myself of how recently it’s been that women have been able to make significant contributions to math… and then minorities on top of that… and I feel better about myself.

Anyways… I started drinking at about the third sentence of this proof and while I have lots more things to say, I don’t quite know how to say them because I started writing this blog hours ago but now I’m drunk. Hopefully, I will actually post in the near future as opposed to posting a year from now. Either way ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ you are great, you are mathematical, and you can fucking do it! No matter what society has trained you to think, you can do it! You can be a mathematician. And a damned good one at that.