Antiracism can free us all: Interacting with colleagues

I won’t speak on the circumstances that lead me to penning this blog unless I need to but… let antiracism free you from your self imposed chains. We can create a healthy work-life balance and still productive. We can work in diverse settings that allow everyone to show up as their full selves. We can create workplaces that aren’t revolving doors for folks with similar identities. Everything I write is, of course, applicable to interactions with all colleagues- but black women are the focal point of everything I do. 

1) Any philosophy or statement about a place needs to allow room for coping with the mess in life. If not, we reject our own humanity. If a coworker, who shows up 100% most of the time, starts slacking and they are in any combination of marginalized groups- they must be approached with empathy first. Theoretically, this should be how you approach ALL people, but in practice- we can not be antiracist if you don’t at least make this effort for those in marginalized groups. Life hits folks in those groups harder- being black (or Jewish) with any of those mean they come with compound interest. It has been proven scientifically that trauma is carried through generations. The traumatization of most marginalized groups started so long ago- everyone is carrying weight. Even those that don’t “act” like their group carry stories of racism they’ve faced because it’s not about how you act. It’s about what you look like. 

2) Being approached with empathy DOES NOT MEAN empathy only when you know the story. As colleagues in a workplace, we are not family. Anyone should be able to say that they are struggling with things in life and that be enough to justify any slips in performance. Constant questioning after being told that an employee is struggling sends a distrustful message. If you know an employee prefers not to blast their personal woes, and it’s been demonstrated time and time again, perhaps change the approach. And then update all relevant managers. Managers at the very least need training in interacting with diverse employees. We ALL do, but certainly the managers. A quick google search on building trust in the workplace shows that it’s actually on the managers to build trust. 

3) If a manager does not trust an employee, they need to be transparent about that lack of trust. Lay out clear, defined steps that an employee can do to gain back that trust. If those steps have been met, except in moments when the employee is under lots of stress, then when they start to slip again- please, I am begging as a self-appointed Knight of all marginalized peoples- listen to what they are saying between the lines- they probably don’t want to tell you because you don’t see things from their point of view and won’t feel like their problems warrant struggling, but that’s not your thing to determine. Every single struggle doesn’t need to be the business of colleagues. To say “I am struggling” should be enough to say “this is what we can offer you” and if you have nothing to offer but to say “You need to share your problems with a therapist”, then I need to see you fighting for better access to therapy under your health plan or direct compensation from the employer for therapy related to stress. If we only make things available when an individual cries out, we miss the folks who don’t trust others with their pain (and there are lots of societal messages about who’s pain is worthy). 

4) When an employee admits that they are struggling, they are aware that their actions are not up to par. This is not the message that needs to be sent if they readily admit that they are struggling. Confirmation of that message without empathy for the struggle exacerbates impostor syndrome.

5) Examine the structure of your business. Most marginalized folks are told their struggles are just bumps in the road they should be able to easily get over which means they may not feel immediately comfortable asking for time off. You feel the condescension of folks that feel like your struggle doesn’t warrant time off. Also, taking mental health days means you have to prepare for the day you’re missing and if the standard is high, it defeats the purpose. If you know there is any event going on that may affect people’s mental wellness, but they are *shouldering through* – if there’s anything outside of the norms that you think is possible, offer that. Don’t put the burden on advocacy. 

6) The difference between “I don’t see color” and “antiracism” is literally throwing away your assumption that you know everything. If you think you know everything, as a member of any privileged group, that means you know exactly what the privileges are you hold over others. You know that your place is higher than others. Your ignorance of the impact of race in America is not evidence of its no existence. Be humble. 

7) If you believe that everyone is worthy of humanity, it allows you to believe yourself worthy of humanity which makes empathy a bit easier. If you want to take the easy way out of all of this training, you simply say to yourself every morning “I am a unique human, but I am human. Whatever I deserve, other humans also deserve. A capitalist society measures humans worth by their means of production. I do not have to embody that belief interpersonally to exist in a capitalist society, but if I choose to, than I am accepting that people who don’t view their worth by their production will always have tension with me.” This tension is fine on an interpersonal level, but it is not fine on a managerial level. 

8) Apologize! When you make a DEI-oopsie, understand that the marginalized person in the room probably knows exactly what bias you were acting on when you made your mistake. This is not your time to convince them that you are anti-racist. This is your time to apologize and give them space to process what just happened. They are smart enough to know that you’re probably not THAT racist… perhaps ignorant… and that’s okay. We know we work among the ignorant. We understand that. We just want y’all to eventually learn… AND practice.

As always, anything I write is a labor of love to black women but can definitely be more widely applied. If anyone needs any paid consulting with DEI work, I can be reached at reachdemara@gmail.com. I can lead presentations and workshops. If you don’t want the consulting but plan to use this as a reference, my Cashapp and Venmo are $adream0. My PayPal is @duhmahruh. Let’s all get free ☀️